remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
