We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
