Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
