i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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