Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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