God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
