I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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