***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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