i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
