Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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