if you like me you must not know who I am
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
