$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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