Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
