walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
