Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
