Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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