It was confusing and full of hummus
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
