Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
