I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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