I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
