1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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