Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
