for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
