I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
