You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
