I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
