I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
