I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
