oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
