Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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