I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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