explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Randomize
