I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
