yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
