i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
