Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
