I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
