forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize