Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
