my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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