Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
