I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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