i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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