i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Randomize
