Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
