My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
