oh god the rape fog is back!
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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