That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
