I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
