She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
