i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
