my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So much Jack, so little girl.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
