Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize