can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
