im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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