Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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