I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
