you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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