you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
