you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
