so explain again why im purple
no
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
