We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
