so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
