winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize