I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
