It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
