I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
