:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
