So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
