That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
