Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
