Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
it hurts more in the daytime
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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