Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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