I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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