when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
