I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Randomize
