happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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