he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize