Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
