He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
