he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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