The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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