Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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