So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
