wat bout pragnant strippers??
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
