Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize