make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
