Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
