Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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