the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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