the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
