omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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