I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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