You're my little dorito
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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