Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
