Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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