we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
