It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Randomize