she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I need a beard to bite.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
