My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize