My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
