census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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