It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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