Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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